This post in inspired by the new Kanye West CD 808s & Heartbreak.

The only Kanye West CD I absolutely like. the music matches perfectly with the written material; heartbeats, heartbreak, love, relationship, unrequited-ness, pain. Simple. Not simple in a primitive sense, but in that it is simply driven by emotion. No pretentiousness of earlier CDs songs just a need to express that feeling of love wrapped in whatever facet of love the song is about.

So more specifically this post is inspired by the song Love Lockdown.

Have you ever loved someone, I mean truly loved someone only to feel that it doesn’t feel right. I haven’t even got into how the other person feels. The other person may care about you, the other person may even like you, love you, or the the other person may not give a shit, ready and willing to sell you for a song. Whatever the case there is a brick wall you both must climb or break through. The vibe is wrong.

So what do you do? do you keep pushing forward allowing the Brick Wall to fall on your head only to hurt yourself, to never be the same again? do you move away, get away from that Brick Wall, from that love because if that Brick Wall falls at least you won’t get hurt even if before you left, got away, you painted the most beautiful mural upon the face of that Brick Wall and you called it, "Friendship and Love, Or Something Like It." So now that you’ve ran away to watch it fall from a distance you see that wonderful mural destroyed and still it hurts you, maybe not as if the Brick Wall landed on your head but still it pains you, and maybe you even wish now that it landed on your head instead of seeing it fall and surviving to contemplate the aftermath.

So do attempt to climb the Brick Wall? chinks in her armor like nooks and crannies, handhold and footholds for you to climb to get to the the other side to fulfill this desire to love her, to hold her hand, to kiss her forehead, to feel her hand upon your face, to relish in the sight of the lines of her neck and collar. Even if you attempt to climb this Brick Wall which may be the size of Mt. Everest, the foothold and handholds you trusted on being there may suddenly be gone, they fall from your use and you slip and you hope to find a grip and continue cautious but determined. Or you may slip never to find a grip and you fall and fall and hope to survive.

So you keep your love lockdown, measured and understand that you want her but you must never feel that you need her. And though both are equal in pain, to need her only begets the punishing feeling that you may never have her and to need something means you’re missing something and to love wholly means you must be whole. To love means you must be willing to be loved.

This is the game we all play eventually and many times, as we lose a million times more than we win. I write these words, inspired, but I believe I understand myself well enough to realize that even if I know that I’ll fall every time I climb that Brick Wall at least I’m climbing. I always know I’ll never make it but I continue to climb because… well… maybe I’ll surprise myself.

I write these words knowing I’ll probably never follow them but hell maybe someone will find wisdom in them.